He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im holly from the hills drunk
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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