i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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