im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
zippers are such a cool invention
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
