so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
