THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
