my being single is dangerous.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
