she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
