So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
These tits shall not be calmed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
