Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
