just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
