Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
