But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pooping to opera.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
