you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
