I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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