so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wear drunk well.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
