My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
