Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
