Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
