I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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