lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
