they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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