I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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