boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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