You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
