I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
