worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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