i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
