is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
