I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
