You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
