Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
