i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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