There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
