Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
