I need help removing her.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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