Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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