i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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