When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
