I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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