You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
