I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
