do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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