Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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