I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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