I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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