Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
