Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
