Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
