Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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