i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
