everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
