...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
