White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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