After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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