Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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