Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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